The Coveted Commandment: THE ART OF BEATING A BLACK WOMAN DOWN (By Her Man) © 2013 Wayne Dan Lewis, Sr.

Why this piece?

Recently, there were two unedited phone videos here in the New Orleans area on several news channels. The videos were depicting, in both cases, young Black men striking, if not beating a young Black woman without regard to any consequences to themselves, or the physical punishment that they were subjecting the young woman. First of all, this disturbed me deeply, both as a father of a daughter and a son. Secondly, as a Black man. This is not to say that there aren’t other incidents of Black men beating their sisters, however, the turnaround and frequency is perhaps the more shocking.

I am willing to believe that if I looked on line, I could find no shortage of videos depicting not just Black on Black crime, but more disturbingly, Black men engaging recklessly and heinously in acts of violence against, of all people, Black women. To me, if it isn’t too late, the message will be extremely clear to not only the Black community, but to the entire nation, that this is the way Black men treat their women, and that is a very serious message that will be very difficult to undo.

Who is to blame?

Blame is free-flowing. Anyone can be blamed. Many of us won’t stop until we are blaming the victim, herself. And if we want to, then blame her. But be just as quick to blame her assailant, her attacker, her brother, her son, and in no fewer cases, the love of her life, her man. Blame, if you will, the White society at large; blame, if you dare, video games or television; blame if you will, music, sexting[1], or porn. Blame the children, whose mother often defends them against everything, and everyone, and unfortunately, in too many cases, her man, her husband, and above all, her perhaps otherwise worldly ally and counterpart- her man.

Does she bear the blame at some point?

For the sake of argument, and if it will make many of you happy who will find solace in blaming the Black woman for her daily beatings, yes, she is the blame if she continues to put herself, as well as her children, in harm’s way. There, happy? So, if at any point the Black woman can be blamed, but her antagonist has the freedom to beat her, without fear of retaliation, or fear of repercussions, then are we doing an injustice to blame the victim if the attacker, or in too many cases, her assailant, can all but believe that he, as a Black man, was not going to be disrespected by his woman?

And, if it was or is about respect, then the message that our Black men are sending, to our Black sisters, is that respect comes at the end of a fist, or, the back of a hand, or a cutting or stabbing with a knife, or, a threat of, or the actual use of a gun. If that is how respect for our Black men is best achieved, we, as a community, have greatly failed in raising our sons to respect not only our mothers, our sisters, our communities, others, and above all, themselves.

Speaking of respect

The Black man’s quest for respect has long been one since he (and his woman) first landed on Plymouth Rock, or so the story goes. Actually, the disrespect that Black men fights so hard for is actually being diminished by his own hand. The respect that the Black man believes that he deserves from any and every other community, is being shelved, degraded, and/or being all but swallowed up as a result of many of his own self-destructive actions, not the least of which is how he treats his Black sister.

Respect, as many of us as Black men would suggest, is not demanded, but forced. Even in today’s technological world, respect does not come to any of us as we carry ourselves well below a standard that no one respects in anyone. Whether vulgar, or violent, Black women’s continued exposure to mistreatment will result in a consequence far greater than imprisonment, far greater than death, for us, her Black brothers. Like what? I think the toll is becoming obvious, but I will get to that shortly. Hint: Trust

She ain’t nobody

I have not heard this said, so don’t quote me. But we live in a society of perceptions. The perception by the treatment of any one Black woman, who is portrayed in videos as anything other than dignified, suggests that the Black woman is not worth her role in not only the Black community, but the world as a whole. And who is sending that message? The Black woman? The Black male? Perhaps either or both are sending out a message that the Black woman is not serious about getting her respect. For her, it may come down to what she is willing to do to save her family. And who among us can judge a mother who works any number of jobs, or one job with long hours, while her male counterpart can’t seem to find a job, or is always in trouble with the law? That maybe her message, that she is willing to do anything constructive that puts food on the table. And perhaps on the other hand, her male counterpart disregards her role, her eagerness to support her family, or to make something of herself, while he himself sit around and blame everyone else for his failure, including her.

It would appear easy to send a message that a Black woman has no value if the intent is to hide behind one’s own inability to bring something substantive to the table. The message of devaluing our women who are doing the most to secure the family is a lesson well learned, but unfairly portrayed. We may not be telling the world via the Washington Post[2], or the Wall Street Journal[3], but the message comes through loud and clear each time we see raw footage of our Black men hauling off and striking their sisters with all of the hatred they can muster, and hurt with all due intent, possibly causing a concussion, or other seriously bodily injury. The fact that such injury can be inflicted, so frequently, and by a Black man (none of whom need to be identified) against a seemingly defenseless young woman (who needs not to be identified), suggests that we have a very serious problem within the Black community. We are assuming that our Black women have no value, and that because of that misperception, Black men are walking around blindly attacking and degrading our Black women. How soon Black men forget.

The Black Woman, Historically Speaking

There is World History, American History and everyone else’s history after that. For People of Color, their history in America began in Slavery[12]. America would like to forget about that portion of her growth. But all indications are that America will only work to push this painful piece of its history under the rug, if not by deleting it all together, by removing references in history books, or changing the perception of what slavery was right here in America. Additionally, America continues work feverishly to have as negative impact on Black life as possible going forward. For example, a continued look at voting rights and their repeal, voter suppression, mass incarceration of predominantly Black males, as well as the rush to suspend or expel Black males for infractions that would ordinarily require a detention.

Historically, the women mentioned above are no less likely to have suffered the injustices faced by her Black male counterparts. So, when a Black woman, who has to overcome the same adversities that her brothers have to overcome, why is it that she is further victimized in the struggle, by her own brothers? Why should Oprah Winfrey, or Michelle Obama have to worry about a back hand, or any threat of violence from someone with whom they are going through the same thing? Why should Halle Berry, [13] worry about her family being in danger from someone who is no less in danger of being targeted in America because of the color of their skin? Why did Harriett Tubman have to worry about being beaten by her brothers who were just as likely to be lynched, or killed just because they both shared a common denominator: the color of their skin?

Trust

We can’t talk about the issue of us as Black men taking out our frustrations on our sisters of color, if that conversation does not include the word trust. We subject many of our sisters to violence. It would be equivalent to sweeping slavery and Jim Crow under the rug. It happens, and many of us are guilty of putting our women at odds with their roles as sisters in the struggle for equality. The probability of achieving equality as a people will always be subject to many factors. One of those factors is how we treat our sisters. If there is any reason why the African American community will not achieve full parity in America, it will be due to a lack of trust, between the men and women who share that struggle. If the struggle for equality includes violence of man on woman, man on woman’s children, man on woman’s psyche, or any activity that causes his sisters in general to be abused, then that is a struggle that both will be striving through on separate planes. The journey will be diluted and made less worthy for one more than the other. Because as history shows, the Black woman is not going to be counted out in the struggle for equality, or for value. The option for the Black male is to determine whether or not he deserves her trust, or will he have to blend into the landscape of those who are pressed to take her dignity, and beat her down constantly? The trust that she gives initially, when violated and once lost, does not come back without following her ground rules. In other words, her house, her rules.

Taking the Lead

To suggest that Black men are the only ones who beat their women down is not the intent here. I believe that every race has its own share of Domestic Violence[14]. White men, Asian men, Hispanic, Middle Eastern, all races demonstrate their presumed superiority of men over woman. This not an endorsement of violence against women. What the takeaway here is, particularly for Black men, is to take the lead in ceasing and desisting in not only the physical, or sexual, but the mental abuse of our Women of Color. In a country, no scratch that. In a world that judges all of us by superficial factors, and treats others according to their prejudices, wouldn’t it be great if we, as Black men, began a crusade of our own for the benefit of our Black sisters?

It would be a crusade that would be returning to their placing of honor, our sisters, our mothers, our ladies, our queens and princesses, to their pedestals of worship. We would bow down at their feet, and worship the ground that they walked on. Would this be pushing it too much? Why would it? For the Black man, he must forever remember that it is the Black woman who has historically fought for him, even to this day. It has been the Black woman who has stood by him, from slavery, through the Civil War[15], through the Civil Rights Era[16] and even now, as shootings of unarmed Black men are replacing the Sunday lynching picnics. It wouldn’t be too much for worshipping and honoring the women who stand at far too many caskets of children and loved ones, killed by young black men who believe that to be a man, requires threatening and killing one’s own family, one’s own friends, destroying one’s own community, or causing great bodily harm to his woman or sister.

If we as Black men, could lead a crusade that places our women at the forefront of every level of that which we do, we could possibly see the dawn of our rebirth as a people. Never mind how we are perceived. If we would put our women at the very top of our agenda, we would see a side of our women that has yet to be revealed. How do I suppose this? Look at how much she has endured all of these years, all of these centuries. She has cleaned up after everyone else, and continues to be the envy, as quiet as it is kept of all who hate her. Why? Because of the very things that so many would have the world believe they hate about our women, I believe they love: her full lips, her ample bosom, her womanly hips, and big behind. Oh, and dare I forget, her intellectual presence.

Our counterpart, the Black female, the Black woman, doesn’t focus on herself as much as she focuses on everyone else, whether related or not. Wouldn’t it make sense that we, those who seemingly know her best, would find a way to throw roses at her feet, roll out the red carpet, and do everything to ensure that every step she makes is nothing short of walking on a cloud for her royal highness?

If as Black men, we do not see our Black women for their truth worth, then we are digging a grave not only for ourselves, but for our children, and for generations to come. If we aren’t careful, the work that so many of our sisters have done to ensure that we enjoy the freedom that we tentatively have, we will find ourselves in the unenviable position of our Native American brothers and sisters. The key to ensuring that that doesn’t happen is to make sure that we rebuild our relationship with these beautiful women that God has blessed with, who share our struggles, but may not necessarily share our future demise. Why? Because our women will most likely survive us as Black men, and will no doubt go on to achieve greater things, despite, or inspite of the ongoing struggles that are not unique to us as a race. The question before Black men today is, “Are we with them (our Black sisters), or are we against them?”

This is our last and best chance

As Black men, we know all about self-destruction. From taking and selling drugs. We know about selling drugs to our children and in our communities. We know about self-destruction when it comes to using violence against one another, failing to work things out intellectually, while choosing guns, knives and fists to resolve our differences. We know about self-destruction, because as Black men, we see each other as rivals, enemies, and combatants. And now, we have carried that perception to our women. We are on the road to self-destruction, because of our failure to realize that our one remaining ally is now on course to be our rival as well. As Black men, we only have ourselves to blame. But there is hope.

Turning it around

Today is the day. Not, ‘can be the day’, but, ‘must be the day’. Today must be the day, that we, as Black men, begin the crusade to make each and every woman of color realize what fools we have all been. Today is the day that we, as Black men, must take it upon ourselves to cease and desist placing our sisters of color, whether mothers, or literally sisters, in harm’s way. This is the day that we, as Men of Color, say to each other that we put away our physical weapons that we use to intimidate not only one another, but our women as well. Only we can turn this around. Only we can take this situation of self-destruction of not only ourselves, but of our families as well, and ensure the future of who we are. It is our choice that we crusade for our women and families, or we continue down the self-destructive path that sends all of our women on a path greater than we could otherwise travel with them. It is our decision to turn it around and stop beating our Women of Color down, or perish for our thoughtless deeds.

Disclaimer: Unless specified, no one is specifically indicated herein. Any possible reference is coincidental. If you are going through a violent situation, you are advised to contact 911, and seek counseling. No part of this post should be considered legal advice. All information provided is deemed to be from reliable resources but not guaranteed There are no endorsements included in this posting..

Domestic Violence Hotline- http://www.thehotline.org/get-help/

[1] Sexting- http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=sexting

[2] Washington Post- http://www.washingtonpost.com/

[3] The Wall Street Journal- http://online.wsj.com/itp

[4] Sojouner Truth- http://womenshistory.about.com/od/sojournertruth/Sojourner_Truth.htm

[5] Harriett Tubman- http://womenshistory.about.com/od/aframer18631900/African_American_Women_18641900.htm

[6] Underground Railroad- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Underground_Railroad

[7] Michelle Obama-http://www.firstladies.org/biographies/firstladies.aspx?biography=45

[8] Oprah Winfrey- http://www.oprah.com/index.html

[9] Dr. Mae C. Jemison- http://www.enchantedlearning.com/explorers/page/j/jemison.shtml

[10] Congresswoman Barbara Jourdan- http://www.biography.com/people/barbara-jordan-9357991

[11] Sarah Sims Lewis- My adopted mother, 1908-2008