Theme: Moving Forward
It has been over two weeks since the most recent report of a celebrity having used the N-Word. And it wasn’t a recent use of the word, just a recent reporting. The incident is said to have happened at least a year ago. 2 weeks of unnecessary apologies and humble-pie. Not only that, there have been 2 weeks of instigation and agitation by the media. And to add insult to injury, there have been 2 weeks of outrage and indignation not only by those who are supporters of the reported offending party, but also by those who are reportedly offended. Unfortunately, it furthers a cause that does not seek to bring people together, but instead accomplishes an ultimate and divisive mission: To take so many of us off of our game. Mission
Knowing that there is no shortage of opinions on this latest distraction, I can’t offer anything reasonably significant. But it is important that I look for at least one relative component this blog- a financial component. There is one, and I will reference it shortly. But first, I thought I would share several thoughts on this issue as it relates to People of Color. Here are my thoughts, in no particular order:
It is 2013, isn’t it? It would have appeared by this time in history, that we would have cured cancer, cured hunger, and achieved world peace. But that would be too easy. It would be too easy that we as adults, are still on the playgrounds of America (which are fast becoming fewer by the way), that this is a major story: The N-Word. What does this say about us, as adults, who are role models for our children that we can still call each other names and, it still is a headline event? Is the story who used the N-Word, or how it was used? What are the rules? Is there an etiquette guide so that even we, People of Color, know when to say The N-Word? Who can say it, and when it is a “term of endearment”?
N-Word Etiquette (subject to verification)[2]-Based on the excessive use of the word and the variety of ways it has been used, it would appear that there would be a guide. I don’t believe there is a guide, and I hope that there never will be, please join with me in this wish. Given the controversy over who can use it and who can’t use it, there should be a single-purposed approach as we work to move forward as a community, and that is to put the N-Word to rest, once, and for all. At least with People of Color.
The possibility of retiring the N-Word is no doubt, a pipe dream, and that is unfortunate. Why? We may need to dig a little deeper to see why that is, and then hopefully, we can move forward. Let us look at three groups first: Agitators, Aggressors and The Offended
Agitators[3]. I remember reading this word and hearing it being used by government officials during the Civil Rights era in movies. Back then, agitators were said to be those who were from outside an area, causing problems between the races. That was back in the 50’s and 60’s in an effort to keep outsiders from disturbing the perceived peaceful co-existence between the races. Today, we still have agitators. I believe it is the media. I believe that a story can be made out anything so long as it can stir up today’s “coloreds” or “negroes”. As I perceive the agitators, in the form of the media, their sole purpose is to contribute to, or stir up divisiveness. I believe that the media is that “playground kid” whose success or lack thereof was determined by how much they contributed to destroying relationships, even at the expense of however it would have otherwise benefited or even hurt them. For the agitator, it doesn’t matter, let’s destroy relationships, let’s destroy lives. Why? The media is a financial powerful entity. And if there isn’t a controversy, “Damn it! We’ll stir it up ourselves!” is the impression the media seems to project. In other words, for that proverbial playground bully, now an adult (now the media): do something, do anything, to prevent diversity and unity within these walls, or within these borders, of the United States of America . The media’s role is key, because they can’t be held accountable for their actions.
It is my contention, that the media can say (albeit without printing it) that they had a role in continuing to ensure that grown-ups were so simple, that all one had to do was go to the unwritten rules of the playground and act with malice by beginning a dialogue: “Did you hear what so-and-so said about you? They called you a da-da-da!” From there, any possibility of a community working together, can go to hell in a hand basket (with a cute little bow on the handle), because in our case, we so easily distracted. Why is that? I submit that we are easily distracted because we don’t have the kind of goals that are worth keeping us focused.
Aggressors- The first perception regarding The N-Word is that those who use it in a derogatory manner are White people, or any other race other that People of Color. I disagree and here is why. I know for one, that I have used the term a lot in my early years. It was hardly a term of endearment[4]. As a matter of fact, it often preceded street fights, or at least, an indication that I did not like someone, of color, or that they were at best, an adversary. So, today, when I hear that it is/was used as a term of endearment, I am wondering, when did they publish that rule change?
The N-Word, if used as a term of endearment, has to be so stipulated, otherwise, I don’t have a relative, friend, or even a co-worker that I can approach using this term as a positive one, where someone who hears it from me, can go all soft inside, and want to man-hug, shake my hand, and then let’s go have a beer. I thought I was old school, but apparently I missed that class.
As aggressors who use this term, there can be, and should not be a perception of endearment. The historical nature of the word itself, even till this day, suggests anything other than endearment. As People of Color, we should be the first and foremost to cease and desist the use of The N-Word, or its application unless, it is to retell our burdened-some history of slavery, civil war, Jim Crow, or any activity that captures the true history of our experiences as People of Color in America.
As a People of Color, we should set a goal, that this term will no longer be an integral part of who we are, whether as a term of endearment, or the verbal weapon that it is.
As far as those who choose to be our adversaries, regardless of race, they will have to learn their own lessons. We can’t hold them to a higher standard than we hold ourselves when it comes to the N-Word, or any other words that we use as People of Color that are as derogatory as well towards our own, in particular, to our Women of Color. For example:
We are no less aggressors, but transgressors when we subject our Women of Color to terms that compare them to female dogs. We are no less aggressors, but transgressors when we compare our Women of Color to women of the streets who sell their bodies for pay. As a people, we should be apologetic to our Mothers of Color; our Wives of Color; our Daughters of Color; our Sisters of Color, as well as our Aunts and Cousins of Color, if we have failed to honor them in song and prose by only fostering an impression that our Women of Color of today have no greater value than those women who stood behind Men of Color throughout Slavery, the Civil Rights Era, Jim Crow, and on into the 21st century. We should be the ones apologizing, and paying higher homage to our beloveds- our Women of Color.
The Offended
For those of us who are the greatest offended by The N-Word, it is possible that we are too offended because our commitments to what should be most important to us, are not solid enough. Why is it that this word, can have so great an impact, that it takes on a life well past its historical value and meaning? It seems to be a term that has more value by our response than it should by it use and application. This is not to diminish the vulgarity of the term, or excuse those who use it in a derogatory manner. But it suggests, as was previously referenced, that the playground bully has found that target who is easily rattled, who is easily taken off of their game, and so becomes the one whom the bully continues to antagonize. Let’s put this in a different context.
A basketball player is standing at the free-throw line to earn extra points for a foul. As he/she stands there, attempting to focus on the goal at hand, in the background, in the stands, fans of the opposing team are waiving their team-colored balloons in the air, and making noises to distract the player. The player has to choose whether to allow those distractions to work against their intent to make the basket, or to focus strongly, more than ever, on the task at hand. Whether he/she makes the basket is immaterial at this point, but the fact is, we are always faced with distractions. And if the N-Word is our distraction, that we have become so offended, that we take our eyes off of our goals, whatever they maybe, we have cost our team the game.
What team? Our children, and future generations, as well as, past generations. In essence, we will have shown our children that we are so minimally committed to our goals, that all it takes is for someone to waive balloons in the background, and we will loose our concentration. One more example:
Many of us drive. Along the highways are many signs of advertising. Many of these signs we don’t even have to read because we know them by their color arrangement. We know the Golden Arches; we know the sandwich design, or the symbol for gas. We know these, and hardly have to take our eyes off of the road as we are cruising at or about 90mph. But every once in a while, there is a sign that is unlike any other. It is a sign that deviates from the rules of advertising. It maybe positive or negative. Nevertheless, it gets our attention. Enough so, that we slow down to 80mph, or so, just to see what it is that is being advertised. If we are not careful, the distraction may result in our taking our eyes off of the road just too long. Perhaps, .001 of a second, and we find ourselves in a rear-end collision, or we may accidentally hit an object on the highway that causes us to blow a tire. Why? Because, we took our eyes off of the road, too long.
The N-Word is that distraction. Our attention to it, our seeking and waiting for an apology, is too time consuming. We need to get back to the road. We need to get back to the free-throw line. We need to focus on our goals. The N-Word is not going anywhere. It is a standard, all-time reliable distraction that we, as People of Color, continue to give more time than it’s worth. But, it works. And what do we do in the meantime? We are waiting for an apology. I say: Screw the Apology!
No Apology Needed
“I hate you!” Regardless of who we are, we should appreciate it if someone indicates that they hate us. If, for example, someone hates me because of the color of my skin, my long flowing hair (?), my awesome bod (come on, I got to have fun somewhere), or maybe, someone hates me-just because. If I know it, I can appreciate it. For us, it should be “No harm-no foul”.
We should appreciate it as long as someone’s hate is not followed by an act or set of acts that affect us personally, or even our families. While that may not be a reality, it is a point of reference. We should greatly appreciate it if that someone tells us directly that they hate us. In that case, we know where we stand.
If that hatred results in the use of the N-Word, so be it. My life is not diminished by someone calling me names, given that name has been thrown at me for the better part of my 50 plus years. As a matter of fact, it should give us a better sense of awareness in our business dealings. For anyone of us, that someone’s hatred is that strong, or that intense, then we know that our money, nor our business is good enough for them. So, we’ll take our business somewhere else. “No harm-no foul!” (This is a our financial component)
No apology is needed from those who use the N-Word as aggressors, or as agitators. It is who they are, or whom they choose to be, and in that instance, money is no object. Business is no object, for us. However, if there is an uproar that may not die, it is because of the fraudulent manner in which people presented themselves as a business or representative. If the uproar continues, and they as a business are loosing money, it maybe less about the word itself. It maybe more about the phoniness, the fraud, or misrepresentation of being above board. And while a business may not care, it is very important that in the business world, you are appear to be above derogatory acts that puts your business in a position that offends your (potential) clients, customers and board of directors, investors, or vendors. If as a business, your business model is always shinny and new, or seems to be impeccable, but your philosophy and ethics are discriminatory, sooner or later, something has got to give. As a business, we all learn that our true colors will ultimately come out. No apologies should be made because whatever your business is, it is a reflection of who you are, and you can only hide who you are for so long. It’s who you are, regardless of what you say, because as a business, your actions speak louder than your words.
People of Color Should be the Ones Apologizing
- Distraction-As People of Color, we should be apologizing to our children and future generations for allowing The N-Word to be a distraction to our goals and dreams. We should be apologetic for the fact that we allow this historically, derogatory term to be suggested as having had a position of endearment between ourselves as brothers and sisters. We should be apologetic to our children that we have confused them, in that this derogatory term has become integral to defining whom we allow others to view us, rather than focusing on what is most important in our lives.
- Prison Population-We should apologize to our children and future generations that we did not prepare them for a society that is bent on increasing its prison populations at the expense of People of Color, because we are perceived to be expendable and having not value to the community at large. We should commit this day to preparing our children for this society’s goals to incarcerate them, starting at third grade[5].
- Education-We should apologize to our children and future generations that we have allowed our children of today, to believe that education is an option, that dropping out of school today is a leisure that People of Color can afford, and that the ability to read is overblown. Let us commit today to preparing our children for graduation. [6]
- AIDS/HIV-We should apologize to our children and future generation for not enforcing abstinence, or safe sexual practices, that because of our failure, our children will be affected for years to come, as well as their children. Among People of Color, we make up more than 44% of the people infected with HIV/AIDS virus. Let us commit today to educating our children on the dangers of AIDS and HIV. [7]
- DRUGS AND VIOLENCE-We should apologize to our children and future generations for not preparing them on how to say no to drugs, and how to resolve their differences through verbal interactions, and brotherly love, rather than guns and killings. Let us commit today to ending the use of drugs and reducing violence among our young people. [8]
- POLITICAL LEADERS-We should apologize to our children and future generations for not putting in political leaders who are committed to the achievements of those who fought for racial equality and the right to vote, not those who occupy offices on their family names, nor those who ride the coattails of giants, rather than stand on their shoulders to represent the struggles of the past, and to make a way for those of the future. We should be greatly apologetic. Let us commit today to selecting political leaders who are committed to ensuring a future for our rights and the longevity of our community by selecting new leaders who are not career politicians or who run on their family’s name. [9]
- HISTORY- We should apologize to our children and future generations for allowing our children to forget or disregard their history. We should apologize for not reminding our children, that despite the achievements made, they were not given to us, but were achieved through sacrifices many of today may never be willing to make, including and up death. We should be apologetic, to our children for not making them mindful, that nothing is guaranteed, even if it is given, because that which is given, via government or community, should not be relied upon, and that our children should always be working to ensure that they never have to depend on someone to give them anything. Remind our children to work for and earn whatever it is that they have. Let us commit to remind our children of our history so that they never forget their heritage. [10]
- VOTING AND COMMUNITY INVOLVEMENT-We should apologize to our children, future generations and of course, past generations, for not registering to vote, or for not voting for causes that would protect the achievements of People of Color and those who have otherwise benefitted from those achievements. We should apologize that we gave lip service to community service, but have never set foot in a school, a playground, or any environment where we could have made a difference in one Child of Color’s life. Let us commit today to remind our young people of the importance of registering to vote and being involved in their communities. [11]
- FAMILY-We should apologize to our children and future generations for our failure to keep our family unit together. We should apologize that mothers and fathers could not work out their differences and live in love and harmony, thereby focusing on the love and care of our children, for whom we have been greatly blessed. That instead, we, as a People of Color, submitted to society’s blue-print to disengage, to be at odds, or bitter over matters that could best be resolved through prayer and a willingness to commit to make our relationships work. Let us commit today to maintaining the family unit, forsaking opportunities to take the easy way out, whereby, we agree to work through our problems, and endeavor to protect the future of our children in a safe and loving home. [12]
- GOD-Last but not least, as People of Color, we should apologize to our children and future generations for not instilling in our children the need to believe in and believe in God. We should apologize to God, for having failed to recognize the blessings of freedom that no other American has ever had to fight for, in a country whose motto, whose philosophy and trademark is presumably, freedom. Let us pray and give thanks to God for bringing us, as a people, from a mighty long way. We should apologize for not instilling in our children of today, that we do not enjoy our tentative freedom because we made it on our own, but because of a living God who helped our ancestors, and our forefathers to overcome the iniquities, if not injustices of a society who has demonstrated on a whole, that racism was and still is, alive and well today in America. We should apologize that we seem to have forgotten that it was God’s Grace and His Mercy, that has sustained us, and by our own negligence, that we have forgotten, and have gone too far astray, that now, more than ever, our freedom is only a matter of a Supreme Court Decision away. We should apologize that we have failed to instill in our children of today, that God is why we are where are today, and that if we don’t get back in the good graces of the Lord, that the N-Word will be the least of our concerns. [13]
In Conclusion: Our Response: Moving Forward
As People of Color, we have much work to do. Our work is not to respond to the distractions, such as the N-Word. Nor is our work to give value to the distractions themselves. But instead, to remain focus on the goals that we have at hand. We have work to do, not in response to what we are called, but as a result of our sitting down and determining what it is we need to accomplish in our lives. Irrespective of distractions brought on by the media, or aggressors, bullies, or antagonists, we must be steadfast in achieving relevant goals. We must be our about moving forward.
We must continue to focus on our dreams, set goals, and no matter how many times the N-Word is thrown at us, know that there were greater sacrifices made by those far more heroic than many of us today may ever be. Greater were the sacrifices of many of those whom history recognizes. For example: those who fought victory in Plessy vs Ferguson in 1954[14]; The Montgomery Boycott of 1955[15]; the Freedom Riders of 1961, which included White people as well as People of Color[16]; The Little Rock 9 of 1957[17]; Ruby Bridges[18], the 4 little girls in the Birmingham Church (Addie Mae Collins, Cynthia Wesley, Carole Robertson and Denise McNair)[19], Medgar Evers[20]; Gabrielle Douglas, U.S. Olympic Gold Metalist[21], and/or Barack Obama, first Father of Color of the United States of America[22]. These are a select few of those People of Color, whose heroic achievements outshine today’s response to the use of the N-Word.[23] They were undaunted and committed to achieving their goals.
In moving forward, as People of Color, among our goals to build homes and bridges, establish jobs and job training, we must establish viable communities, and network with each other for a better way of life, as we work to incorporate into our various missions to ensure the future for our children and future generations. In other words, ensure that our children are no longer locked up in jails and in prisons throughout America . For our children and future generations, we work to no longer have to worry about our Sons of Color shooting and killing one another because we will prepare them with formidable goals to achieve. In moving forward, for our children, dropping out of school will no longer be an option. For as we move forward, our children will be able to focus on their dreams, because we will instill in them that need to keep their eyes on the prize[24], whether that is to become an Astronaut, or a Football player; whether it is to be political leader or a ballerina; whether it is to be doctor or a disc jockey, we can no longer allow our children to be distracted by engaging in fights, drugs and violence, or anything that will take away from who they are capable of becoming. We must stand fast with our children in the pursuit of their dreams, helping them to move forward, because that is what was done for us as children of past generations. We must be strong and not give up. We must run and not get tired. We must focus like a laser beam not only our dreams but our children’s dreams as well, so that they can achieve the best that life has to offer. Do for them as others have done for us, because they kept their eyes on the prize of success and freedom. Moving forward, we should pledge to remain committed to not only our goals, but to our families, our communities, and to our country, because regardless of how great the challenges are to diminish our citizenship, our loyalty and allegiance, the United States of America is our country. It is our home. God Bless America .
Let us continue to move forward, without distractions.
[2] This post does not represent nor does it purport to speak for any one or all African-Americans, Black people, or People of Color. Opinions shared here are primarily my own. Information while deemed reliable is not guarantee.
[4] Term of Endearment- http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/term+of+endearment
[5] Preparing Children for Prison because of 3rd Grade Reading levels- http://www.invisiblechildren.org/tag/failed-third-grade-reading-scores/
[6] Graduation Rates for Black Males trails those of Whites- http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/09/19/black-male-hs-graduation-_n_1896490.html
[7] AIDS/HIV virus in the Black Community- http://www.cdc.gov/Features/BlackHIVAIDSAwareness/
[8] Drugs and Violence in the Black Community- http://www.ptsd.va.gov/public/pages/effects-community-violence-children.asp
[9] New Era of Black Political Leaders- http://www.nbcnews.com/id/18203976/ns/politics/t/new-era-black-political-leaders/
[10] African American History Timeline- http://www.infoplease.com/spot/bhmtimeline.html
[11] Voting Rights for African Americans- http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/07/03/supreme-court-voting-rights-act-poll_n_3540140.html
[12] The Black Family: 40 Years of Lies -Kay S. Hymowitz- ttp://city-journal.org/html/15_3_black_family.html
[16] Freedom Riders- http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/americanexperience/freedomriders/
[18] Ruby Bridges- http://rubybridges.com/
[19] Bombing of Church in Birmingham , AL - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/16th_Street_Baptist_Church_bombing
[20] Medgar Evers- http://www.biography.com/people/medgar-evers-9542324
[21] Gabrielle Douglas- http://gabrielledouglas.com/
[22] Barack Hussein Obama- http://www.biography.com/people/barack-obama-12782369
[23] This list represents an intentionally short list of individuals and groups who have historically accomplished in the History of America. There is no intent to slight anyone or to devalue the contribution of anyone living or dead by this listing.
[24] Eyes on the Prize: America
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