Why This Piece
There are six areas that I had intended to focus on for this
piece. Instead, I have decided to focus
on two areas: Crime and Education. The
topic, Participatory Injustice within the Black Community speaks more broadly
to our responsibilities as community stakeholders. As stakeholders, we expect a return on our
investment when we do what is necessary to ensure that our community grows. What does this mean? It means at least 3 things:
a. We
raise our children to respect us (parents and community);
b. We
raise our children to respect themselves, and last but not least,
c. We
take all reasonable action to protect our children from those who would do them
harm, including themselves
These three things are not exclusive to any one
culture. It is not a Black or White
thing, it is not a Hispanic or Middle Eastern thing. These 3 essential elements are foundational
and yet, our children are more often than not, victims in a world that seems to
have no regard for our children. How is
that? How is it that our children,
Children of Color, are the most likely victims of murder, or are the most likely
orchestrators or participants of crime?
If we, as a community, are teaching our children respect for
us, for themselves, and are protecting them, then how is it that our children
makes the 5, 6, 9, 10, and 11o’clock news with such regularity? If we are doing just these three things that
I suggest that are foundational, then where are we dropping the ball and what
do we need to do save our own children?
Respect for us
(parents and community)
As parents, we all take the responsibility of raising our
children respectfully. But what does
that mean? The only point of reference
that I have is how I was raised. My
parents, the ones that took me into their home at 6 years old, had to teach me
the importance of telling the truth, especially to them. I am not sure that it worked out all of the
time, because they had caught me in quite a few doozies. One time, I had to lie
for them. But even with that, I still could not lie to them.
The other thing my parents emphasized to me was not to tell
their business to everyone, even to other family members. They always wanted me to protect their
confidentiality by not repeating things I had heard at the house to others,
especially family members. I learned
that was very important because family members seemed to always wanted to know
something, no matter how seeming innocently they tried to prime me. I always kept my mouth shut.
Respect for us as parents and the community as a whole, in
this context, is not necessarily a separate issue. Growing up, if my parents were teaching me
right from wrong, then the same right and wrong was the same no matter where
they sent me, or where I went. The same
right and wrong applied at school, church, at a friend’s house, or at Aunt
Sally’s house, for example. It was
important then, and it is important now, that our children have an appreciation
of what we expect of them. For
example: we expect our children not to
hang around other children whose parents do not teach the same values as we
teach our children. As parents and
community, we expect our children to commit to their goals and dreams, and not
to be distracted by those who have limited dreams or ambitions. We drill this into our children,
theoretically. So, what happens? What changes if we, as parents and community,
are doing due diligence to ensure that our children have a clear understanding
of what we expect of them?
Respect for themselves
If we expect to see a change in our children, teaching them
to have respect for themselves is perhaps the most challenging of the
foundational approach to raising children.
I am no psychologist, counselor, or parental expert, so, don’t feel
compelled to follow so closely on my lead.
But, for what it is worth, there aren’t any psychologists, are
counselors lining up to help us with our children like talking about it. This is not a stab at these experts, but
let’s be real. Society dictates that
these are the groups who should provide vital information to us, as parents, in
order for us to raise our children properly.
But, we can’t afford to have these experts helping us daily with advice
to help us raise our children. It’s not
free, and it isn’t practical. So, we
have to stand together to emphasize real common sense values to help our
children to be successful.
Teaching our children respect for themselves, as easy as it
would appear, is a daily challenge. From
teaching them how to dress like little gentlemen and ladies, to teaching them
to not hang around kids who are “bad”, such as kids who steal, curse, or
disrespect their parents or other members of the community. Respect for themselves mean not allowing
others to use them to do bad things such as acting as a lookout while others are
doing something improper. Teaching our
children self-respect means not changing how they look in order to fit in with
someone who doesn’t like them. And of
course, self-respect for our children means emphasizing that they should love
themselves too much to let others discourage them from achieving their
respective goals. But somewhere, in the
midst of all that we do, self-respect maybe getting lost. And who is going to take the blame? Who should we blame? Our children?
Why not, isn’t that something else we teach when we are teaching them
self respect? You know: Take responsibility
for their actions?
We should teach our children to take the blame for their
actions, but know that that means whatever we teach our children, they expect
to see the same in us. And when the time
comes for us to assume responsibility, let’s not go for the easy way out: “I am
an adult, do as I say, not as I do.”
Easier said than done, but if we are trying to teach our children
self-respect, and to respect us, then it may have to be the hard pill that we will
have to swallow. I know how hard it is,
and too often I have been called on my mistakes by my kids, and I had to bite
the bullet. Because of that, I believe that
they are better kids, and I thank God for them.
Protecting our children
As I indicated earlier, I want to believe that every culture
works to protect its children. The Black
community can’t possibly be any different.
But, here is where I think I am wrong. I think I am wrong because too often, if not
frequently, our children are dying on the streets, in our homes, and in our
cars. It becomes our little children who
suffer from gunshot injuries, drownings, or locked up in hot cars, sexually
abused, or hurt in more ways than it would be important to mention. The bottom line is, we, the Black community,
are not protecting our children.
We are not protecting them from drugs (use, or distribution);
we are not protecting them from guns (robbery, assault, gang violence, illegal
possession), nor, are we protecting our children from the decisions that they
may ultimately make that results in them dropping out of school. We are not protecting our children by
instilling in them the need to follow their dreams, when all that they want to
do is wait on someone else to make their lives better for them. We have failed to protect so many of our
children, and as hard as it is to take, we are participants in their detriment.
Participants in the
self-destruction of our community
Each time a child is
shot and killed, or arrested for a crime, we have to take it personally. We have to feel responsible in some way,
shape or form. The children that God has
blessed us that we are loosing to violence, or who are dropping out of school
are getting younger and younger. This
would suggests that we are letting go of their little hands quicker and
quicker. It would appear that we are
turning our children loose on the world too quickly.
Also, too quickly and too easily, we seem to believe that
any and everyone else is to blame. It appears that our responsibility, as a
member of our community, is far removed.
And that’s where I believe that we are wrong. I think that there is so much that we each can
do on some level, yet, so few of us are willing to do one thing different that
could make a difference in our young people’s lives. By virtue of this failure on our part, I
think that that makes us participants in the destruction of our communities. I think that it makes us responsible, even if
by 1/100th of a percent, if we aren’t doing something significant
within our communities to help make a difference not only in the lives of our
young people, but in our communities as well.
Taking the Lead
How will we know if what we are doing will make a
difference, if we decide to become more involved? We won’t know. And perhaps, we don’t need to know. The point here is that we not take for
granted that there is something that we can do that can make a difference. However slight the effort, our young people
have to see an improved effort by each and everyone of us that suggests that we
are in this for the long haul. Our young
people must be able to see a climate of change in how we communicate to not only
each other, but to them as well. As a
community, we have to take the lead on something as simple as reminding our
children to respect themselves and not let others use them for criminal
means. As parents, we have to take the
lead to remind our kids how much we love them and how much we expect them to
remain committed to their dreams and goals.
Taking the lead means that we are doing more to protect our
children from those who would otherwise do them harm. It is a lead that we cannot check for
progress every three days, three months, or three years, because this is for
the long haul. It is the type of lead
that requires not relinquishing on something as simple as “I am proud of you,”
to “I know you can do better.” Taking
the lead means that each of us are committed to holding our heads up and
addressing our young people as young men and women, letting them know that we
see them and that we believe in them.
We can do simple things like these, not looking for a reward, or hoping
that someone notices us for what we do, or we can continue to believe that it
is someone else’s fault that our children are continuing to go down a slippery
slope.
If we can’t take the time to give our children a word of
encouragement, then we can assume the role of participants of the injustices
that our young people experience everyday by a society that is already writing
them off. It’s our choice. I trust that we will make the right one.
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