1.
It was without warning, there I was, at our
son’s reception, when the tears began to flow. They were my tears. Our
daughter-in-law, Monica, had asked several of us to speak at a wonderful
reception that she had secretly planned for Wayne, Jr. We were a few of the family and friends that
had arrived outside of Raleigh, NC, as well-wishers. Many of those who were gathered were friends
that they had met since moving to Raleigh, post-Hurricane Katrina. Included
too, was one of his old school mates from St. Aug, Keith, his wife and his two
adorable twins. The reception was simply beautiful, and we
were just as proud as parents could be.
2.
So when
it came to my time to speak, I had hardly began to congratulate our son for his
achievement before I became overwhelmed, and almost without containment, began
to cry. I shed those tears, and was embarrassed, but still I wanted our son to
know of just how proud we were him. I
continued to speak, and apologizing to him and Monica as well as the others for
not being more composed.
3.
Win in a few minutes I managed to speak coherently
to the group, as I composed myself. All
I can recall saying was how proud we were to have a son who had achieved so
great an accomplishment. I also remember
pointing out the irony of this once raggedy kid from a small town called
Patterson (Louisiana), who was now the proud father of a very special young man,
who had worked tirelessly to achieve a goal that I, for one, had only dreamed
of achieving.
Despite the embarrassment of that moment, I
would not change one thing.
5.
Recently, I called on a client to remind her
that her house was about to expire as a listing. We talked a few moments before
she told me some very exciting news. She
said, “ Mr. Lewis, he is graduating! I said who?
She said, “My son, (Confidential
name), is graduating from high school!”
6.
I automatically congratulated her until I
realized two things. She was sharing
with me some very personal news, and she was sharing this news with me at a
certain level of triumph. This client
had purchased several homes with me, so I knew of some of the things that she
had gone through as a single mother. It
had been eight years, and through those times, I knew of the challenges she had
in raising her three children. She had
two boys and a girl. The girl and the
younger boy were closer in age and were under five when I first met them. The older boy was about ten or nine years of
age at the time, and for her, he was a challenge, quite a challenge for this
single mother.
7.
So, when she told me about her son graduating,
it wasn’t to share this information as she may have done with just any other
person, she had told me because I was one of the sounding boards she had used
during the past eight years as I had worked with her as her agent. Once I figured out the relevance, I realized
that she had done something that she had done before, extended to me the
courtesy of considering me a small part of her family. As I thought about the fact that her son
would be walking across the stage, after all that she had done to keep him on
track, I felt very proud for her. She
had taken me into her confidence, and I knew that what she was sharing with me
was a very personal joy and triumph. For
her, it was the ultimate release of frustration that had been the better part
of raising not only three children, but ensuring that the first one was the
example for the remaining two. I felt
her joy, and I felt her pride, and then I thought about our own son and
daughter. I began to feel an emotion for
her, as I knew she was filled with an anticipation yet to come.
8.
When I arrived home, I told my wife about the
call. As I told her, I know she could
see the tears in my eyes as well.
9.
Shedding
Tears
10.
As graduation comes up, I am not sure how other
parents will react to their sons and daughters graduating from high school or
college. It may be a rather joyous
celebration, with parties, or maybe go out to dinner. It may result in the family just going back
home, and doing nothing more than having a celebratory dinner with close family
and friends.
11.
I don’t
know if parents even cry any more at their children’s achievements. I remember crying when our daughter was
born. It was a wonderful moment when our
baby girl (Jaymee) came into this world, hollering and screaming. And
she is still hollering and screaming to this day. (Just kidding, she is beautiful young lady
and we are so proud of her).
12.
So crying, it’s not something that mothers just
do. As a father, I have cried, shed
tears, and while society has done its darndest to make sure that men don’t show
their emotions, my situation is the exception rather than the rule. I have lost count of the number of times that
tears have come to my eyes when I would hear my son play his saxophone at
school, or at church. I have lost count
of the many times I would see my daughter in a play or marching with her one
flag in the parades and would have a tear come into the corner of my eyes.
13.
I have shed tears of joy and pride because God
has blessed us with two of the greatest kids possible. We are so proud of Bud (Wayne, Jr) and our
Baby Girl (Jaymee). And now, those tears
will come even more so as we watch our grandson grow into his own. He is a very special little fellow. He is our Doo.
14. Dab My Eyes
15. Maybe,
I am overreacting. Maybe when I shedded
a tear for our son and daughter at times I was being too sensitive. Maybe all of the times that their mother and
I worked so hard to make sure they became successful young people was nothing
short of what was expected of us. And
for me, as the man of the house, to express an emotion of shedding a tear is
far beyond the pale of not only parenthood, but manhood. I am guilty of dabbing my eyes for our son
and our daughter, and now for our little grandson. I will be dabbing my eyes for quite some time
to come.
16. As They walk across the Stage
17. As
each of our kids walk across the graduation stage, a tremendous number of
emotions will go through us. Crying may
not be one of those emotions. Many
parents may just be glad that their son or daughter received their respective
diploma or degree. Parents will be
genuinely happy, and not one tear, or the absence thereof, will indicate a lack
of emotion. It’s possible that some
parents may experience a level of shock.
Why? Because they may have never
thought that the day would ever come when their son or daughter would walk
across a stage and receive a degree, let alone a diploma. Some of you parents have had some hard times,
for sure. Perhaps like my client whom I
mentioned earlier. Like my client
earlier, there just maybe one big sigh of relief, because she was able to bring
up her son through the gauntlet that comes not only raising kids in our various
communities, but a young male of color.
It was a tough job, but as the parent that she is, and the parents that many
of you are, she did it.
18. Makes it More Worthwhile
19. I
hope that your son or daughter takes the time to thank you for helping them
achieve so great a milestone in their lives.
I hope that your son or daughter will realize that what you did was not
because the law required it of you, but that because you loved them so much,
that you didn’t want to ever give up on them.
I hope your son or daughter realizes how difficult it will be to step
away from being the person who was there to fix their breakfast every morning, give them their lunch money, or fix their supper. I hope that they realize that as they step
off further into adult hood, that it won’t be easy for you as a parent to
wonder if you left out something in preparing them for the world ahead. Why, because that’s what parents do.
20. I
hope that our kids realize, that sometimes, however proud we are of them as
parents, it comes out in ways that we could never imagine. It comes out in laughter, a big sigh, a look
of surprise, a hug, a smile, a ump! Or, it comes out in tears. I know that I am guilty of several of these
reactions, and the one that I am most proud of, is the fact that I have shed a
tear for our son and for our daughter accomplishments, because it’s not
expected. My tears are frowned upon by
society, because I am a man. But I will
gladly shed hundreds of tears for our son, or daughter, and our grandson, because
I want to see them achieve the best that life has to offer. I want to see them raise their hands in
victory each time they cross a major threshold in their lives. And while I may be cheering them with a big
smile, there will be that small tear, right there in the corner of my eye,
wishing them the very best of what life has to offer.
21.
To the parents of the graduating class of 2014,
laugh, smile, cheer, and if you find yourself doing so, shed your tears, for a
job well done. You deserve it. Best wishes to all, and congratulations the
graduating class of 2014.
22. Disclaimer:
The Coveted Commandment is copyrighted 2014 by Wayne Dan Lewis, Sr. If you wish to have Wayne Lewis speak to your
group, please email wdlewis8088@gmail.com
or call 512-786-7959. Not intended to
legal or medical advice. Please consult
your respective professional for advice.
Information provided here is deemed to be from reliable sources by not
guaranteed.
[1]
Big Boys Don’t Cry, Do They. John Swartz
December 30, 2010- http://www.nytimes.com/2011/01/02/fashion/02Cultural.html?_r=2&
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